RENAISSANCE WRITERS
YOU WERE A NOBODY BUT THEN OVERNIGHT YOU’RE SOMEONE BETTER THAN THE REST OF US NOW YOU ARE THE BEST OF US
SHAKESPEARE O.S.
Not–so–fast!
NICK
Hello, Will. I knew you wouldn’t go down without a fight.
SHAKESPEARE
THE TOP, SIR? NAY, THOUGH SURELY DOTH JEST I SAY, ON MY HONOR HERE, I DOTH PROTEST.
yawn. Rhyming couplet. That is so 1580’s.
Oh yeah? Well. . . (THEY have a “tap off”–tapping in rhythm as they speak. . .) IF YOU WANT TO MAKE IT TO THE TOP THEN YOU’RE GONNA HAFTA GO THROUGH ME ’CAUSE ON THE TOP IS WHERE I LIVE AND I WILL NOT BE GIVING UP THAT EASILY. SO THERE
OH MAN, I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS MOMENT FOR SO LONG I’M GONNA ENJOY IT WHEN I KNOCK YOU OFF YOUR PERCH.
OH NO YOU WON’T
OH YES I WILL
OH NO YOU WON’T--MY ACCOMPLISHMENTS ARE MUCH MORE ACCOMPLISHED HTAN YOURS
INNNNNNNN YOUR DREAMS--I AM THE BEST
YOU CAN’T BE THE BEST BECAUSE I AM THE BEST I HAVE WRITTEN TWELVE PLAYS AND EACH ONE IS A TESTAMENT TO MY GREAT SKILL--I AM THE WILL! AND I WROTE TAMING OF THE SHREW AND RICHARD THREE AND RICHARD TWO AND HENRYS FOUR AND FIVE AND SIX (beat) AND TITUS ANDRONICUS AND OH, DID I FORGET? ROMEO AND JULIET?
WELL I HAVE JUST WRITTEN THE THING THAT THE CRITICS ARE CALLING THE GREATEST THING THEY’VE EVER SEEN AND THE PEOPLE ARE LOVING IT, CAN’T GET ENOUGH OF IT EVERYONE! EVEN INCLUDING THE QUEEN! SHE RECENTLY INVITED ME TO HER CASTLE WHERE SHE KNIGHTED ME AND PRIVATELY SHE TOLD ME THAT YOU’RE NOT ANY GOOD, NOT ANY GOOD, NOT ANY GOOD, NOT ANY GOOD AND SHE TOLD ME THAT ALL OF YOUR PLAY SMAKE HER VOMIT AND NOTHING’S AS GOOD AS MY MUSICAL OMELETTE!
WAIT A MINUTE. YOU WROTE OMELETTE?
YES
(melodramatic, operatic) I NEVER THOUGHT THAT I WOULD MEET MY EQUAL BUT I CONCEDE I HAVE BEEN BESTED BY THE BEST (looking up, hopeful) MAYBE WE COULD PARTNER ON A SEQUEL.
Last changeda year ago